New Jersey Moms Blog

Not In My Backyard

Some days - like today - I wonder why I still live in New Jersey.  I know every state has their issues with government and overpopulation, but I am still surprised when it happens in my own backyard.  Come to find out, something as innocent and wholesome as a day camp for kids is under threat from greedy local government looking to make a quick buck.  Today I found out that the summer camp we are sending our daughter to is in jeopardy of becoming a run-off drain for a huge tractor trailer warehouse complex.

This is the first year my husband and I have been able to send our daughter to camp, and I took on an extra part-time job to do it.  Having our daughter go to camp is extremely important to me.  Getting her out of the house, playing in the sunshine, drawing in the dirt with sticks - and building lifelong friendships with other children - I believe is paramount to her childhood. Growing up I spend five nights at a sleepover camp and those memories and experiences founded an incredible love of nature and the outdoors that I hold with me 30 years later.  More kids need that nowadays, especially with the increase in technology and over scheduling our kids are subjected to.  Sometimes sitting on the dock with a friend and dipping your toes in the lake is just what childhood needs.

Creepy Carnival Worker

Last weekend, Becca, my mother-in-law and I headed to a local carnival for a few hours of fun.  It was pretty typical with a Ferris wheel, a tilt-a-whirl, a few kiddie rides and various other attractions.  They even had one of Becca's favorite rides, the Dizzy Dragons.  Our plan was to walk around a little, ride a few rides and end the night with popcorn. 

In our quick tour of the fairgrounds, Becca was fascinated by the Rapid Slide so we stopped to watch for awhile. As we were watching the kids go down the slide, the carnival worker minding the ride came up to us and started commenting on how beautiful Becca was. I thanked him politely and moved onto the next attraction.

What mom wants is a nightgown

I'm hard to buy gifts for. This is no secret. The truth is that, while I love gifts - I also have a hard time receiving them. I've always been this way and it is just the way I am. But, the problem has gotten significantly worse over the years. And, after this latest birthday I believe I am headed on my way to becoming a better receiver. Credit and thanks go to my four year old.

As a mother, I try to teach my children to be generous givers and gracious receivers. Yet, I seem to be unable to do the same for myself.  Always one to blame myself, (I have a martyr complex)  this time I refuse to do so entirely.  Well, I will take partial responsibility for this but I am here and now going to rat out my partner in crime.

I blame my Amazon.com wishlist.

Unsolicited Decorating Advice

The rain hanging over New Jersey for the past 19 of 22 days has driven most of us to a constant indoor status.  Good for the beer companies, bad for those of us trying to run off the winter bulge before the town pools are all open.  Aside from trying and learning to appreciate all things brewed in Jersey, I have become unusually accustomed to my friends and neighbors decorations. 

When we first moved to New Jersey, I learned quickly that people like wall paper and the carpeting to change colors depending on the room. 

Defining the "Good" Baby

Warning:  By some definitions, you've just encountered the face of pure evil.  Don't believe me?  Read on!

As a parent of a newborn I'm often asked if my son is a "good" baby.  Considering he is my third child, I've been around the block more than a few times, both literally and figuratively, so I estimate I've encountered this question at least a hundred times.  Even after all these years I'm never quite sure how I should answer.  I mean, he has all 10 fingers and 10 toes, so that's good.  He's unbelievably cute (if I do say so myself), and that's good too.  I haven't caught him huffing in the garage and he hasn't been arrested for a DUI.  Good and good. 

So I started to dig a little deeper to find out what people really want to know when they ask this question and I've learned that a "good" baby is defined by how much they sleep and how often they cry.  Well, my baby has never slept longer than four hours at once, he has his days and nights mixed up and he cries whenever he needs anything.  In fact, he's been on this planet for six weeks and he hasn't uttered a single word.  It's all "WAAAH" this and "WAAAH" that.  By those accounts, my baby is the opposite of good, which I guess makes him evil, so I've started answering accordingly.

Testimony by Anita Shreve: A Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club

This month, for Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers' monthly book club, we read a novel that many of us, as mothers, found tough to read. But probably every mother should read it. And their teenagers too - especially their teenagers.

Join in as Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers discuss the book Testimony by Anita Shreve.

• DC Metro Moms Blog's Amy G. leads us off with hoping she has done enough
• Wife and Mommy from Wife and Mommy thinks of all the moments she knew her life would never be the same
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens discusses the ramifications and repercussions of teenage drinking
• Melanie from Tales from the Crib forecasts the future
• Bonggamom from Finding Bonggamom remembers temptation
• The Fabulous Miss S from Fabulous Miss S screamed in her head "No! Don't do it!"
• Silicon Valley Diva from Blog on the Wall shudders when she thinks back to her teenage years
• Kim from Passion & Art says no one asks to be raped
• Chefdruck from Chefdruck Musings gives her own testimony
• Jessica from It's My Life thinks about when the best isn't the best after all
• Robin from Who's the Boss gives her testimony
• Gayle from Everyday I Write the Book reviews Testimony
• Christina from The Carpool Reader goes through the evolution of a marriage
• Linsey from Me Too You is glad she got caught

More posts will be put up throughout the day on our writer's personal sites, so be sure to check back to follow along.

.... and if you have a post up on YOUR personal site on this topic, please leave a comment here and we will add your link!

About the book - from the publisher Hachette Book Group:

At a New England boarding school, a sex scandal is about to break. Even more shocking than the sexual acts themselves is the fact that they were caught on videotape. A Pandora's box of revelations, the tape triggers a chorus of voices--those of the men, women, teenagers, and parents involved in the scandal--that details the ways in which lives can be derailed or destroyed in one foolish moment.

Writing with a pace and intensity surpassing even her own greatest work, Anita Shreve delivers in TESTIMONY a gripping emotional drama with the impact of a thriller. No one more compellingly explores the dark impulses that sway the lives of seeming innocents, the needs and fears that drive ordinary men and women into intolerable dilemmas, and the ways in which our best intentions can lead to our worst transgressions.

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

a Vomit Rock-Star

Minutes after giving birth to my first-born child, I discovered my greatest strength as a mother: imperviousness to bodily fluids.

Bella had just been placed on my chest by the labor and delivery nurse, and I was gazing into her tiny black eyes when I felt a warmth spreading over me. At first, I attributed the sensation to an emotional high, but a few seconds later, when the liquid began to cool, I realized that my miniscule daughter had actually showered me with a large quantity of infant pee.

That was the first of many instances I would marvel at the impossibly generous quantities of fluids originating from my children's bodies.

Wasn't Gov. Sanford Just Following "The Politician's Handbook?"

Governor Sanford is the latest to stand before us reading the same canned and overly-rehearsed speech apologizing to his family and the public.  It's the same drill, different names, different day.  Cue the phony tears of shame.  Is anyone outside of the situation every truly shocked? Sleeping around seems part of the job requirement once you have any bit of fame and/or power. In fact, I believe it's all there in black and white in the Politician's Handbook, Chapter 1, Section 4, Sub-section A.  Let's take a look, shall we?:

How To Become A Politician  *

* Though not necessarily a good one

Interested in Politics?  Here's what you do: 

1.  Major in Political Science, work hard, and never keep it in your pants.

2.  While you're getting established and gaining experience, find a great woman who will stand by you as you embark on this career.  Make sure she will sacrifice everything for you and your own gain, raise your children, and then cheat on her.  She may find out, she may not.  But if the affair is exposed, make sure it's super humiliating for her.   

A Different Path

I have to admit. Never in a million years did I expect to be in this situation. But then, does anyone ever expect to be infertile?

I also should admit, I had an inking in my twenties (eons ago from my now age of 41). Newly married, my husband and I took our time starting a family. Married at age 27, I had a premonition that having children might be hard for us. Just a feeling. When anyone would ask "when?" I would say "...when the time is right- - and if the 'plumbing' works..."

Perhaps that's why we waited 6 years to put our toes in the water...

When I was 35, I had my son with no medical intervention. I was a little shocked that it actually worked. Two years later, we decided to try again.

Something was different.

Perspective

My husband and I did quite a bit of traveling when we lived in the Southwest.  One of our favorite trips was to Moab, UT.  If you're into off-road biking, you may have heard of Moab. It's home to the famous "Slickrock" trail and is known as the off-road biking capital of the world. I am not into off-road biking. I like a challenge, but I also like my teeth. I digress.

While we were there, we visited Arches National Park.  Early one morning, we hiked up to The Delicate Arch, Utah's most famous arch. The arch is situated so that it doesn’t come into view until you round the very last cliff.  The first time I saw it, it took my breath away.  It was amazing.  Being alone only added to the experience.  We had never heard such silence in all of our lives. For a while, we just stood there, trying to take in the magnificence of God's handiwork. I became very pensive and at one point began singing, "How Great Thou Art." 

And we have entered the "I'm not eating if I don't want to" phase

The trials and tribulations of raising a soon to be three year old.  I visited this topic here.  I thought veggies were his nemesis.  I was wrong.

His nemesis in the food world changes daily.  Last night it was the roast beef, carrots and potatoes I made, the week before it was the homemade General's chicken.  Somedays it's grilled cheese, some days it's his cereal bar.  Make no mistake, it is never, ever lollipops or ice cream.

I am not sure where I am going wrong.  Plenty of nights he has gone to bed with out dinner, as recently as last night.  He told me he wasn't hungry but when it was time for pie he told me he was hungry.  I re-offered him his plate which he turned down.  He whimpered for a moment and when he realized I wasn't budging he happily went off to play. 

While I know he will eat when he is really hungry, it does not help my psyche to think he is losing valuable nutrients and vitamins that will help his growth.  How much nutrients can a cereal bar be?  Apple sauce is great but can a small child survive on it? 

Mommy's a Mess

My daughter had a great year at her pre-school, and watching her and her pint-sized friends sing for us last week at the end-of-year ceremony, I got misty-eyed. It made me reflect on the whole year, which seems like it just zoomed by.

I was feeling pretty good about things until we got home that night and I realized I'd worn my shirt to the party INSIDE OUT.

Nice one.

I guess no one really noticed because it was one of those gauzy Indian shirts, but still - God. Was I the same person who that very morning had promised myself that for once - for once! - I was gonna take some time to put myself together before I left the house?

Am I In Beverly Hills or New Jersey?

Between not living in the area any longer and being disabled, I had not been to the Freehold Raceway Mall for some time.  In case you are unfamiliar with this mall or have not been there for a while yourself, there have been many high-end stores gradually moving into the mall, which is surrounded by a few affluent towns such as Manalapan and Marlboro Townships.  This past Mother's Day, my family decided to gather there as we picked The Cheesecake Factory to celebrate at.  

Being a mom of a two-and-a-half-year-old I am lucky to get a shower and get anywhere on time, let alone dress to the nines for a trip to the mall, even if it is Mother's Day.  Imagine my surprise (shock?) when I saw woman after woman dressed as if she were heading out for a night clubbing in New York City. The plastic surgery was obvious as these women stood alongside their twenty to thirty-something daughters, attempting to look more like their sisters.  Anyone recall the commercial from the 1970's "Which one is the mother and which is the daughter?"  I can't remember what the commercial was trying to sell but I don't think it was Botox!

What My Dad Taught Me About Being a Mom

We moms tend to look to our own mothers as the experts in mothering. And while they most definitely help to shape our own parenting styles, dads also have a big part in how we parent.

When I was a kid, my dad held the traditional role as the provider. He worked a lot, both at his job and at home. He was great with his hands, able to build decks and patios and even a full size play house for me. Even now, he's always willing and able to help with various things that need fixing around my own house. Just today he was here fixing my porch door so that it didn't drag on the ground when opened.

I looked up to him as a kid and have even more respect for him now that I am an adult. I also now see the many lessons my dad taught me that are now so valuable as I bring my own kids up: